Thursday, January 24, 2008

Lightbulb moments

2008 feels like it started out quite bleak. However, since January 1st I’ve come to a huge realization about myself.

One is - I don’t like January, never had, but never acknowledged it. I suppose because it brings the realities of winter. I know winter starts in December, but it kinda slides in there unnoticed in the milieu of Christmas. Then BAM! January/winter , connected at the hip! Cold, depressing January! I don’t like the month of January.

And 2nd – I am a “glass half empty” person. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I should have seen the writing on the wall, but had never connected the dots. (Could I use any more metaphors?).

I was listening to a morning news program and the woman was talking about how, when she’s packing for vacation she is already thinking about how close she is to the end of her holiday time. And it sounded so like me. Her co-host accused her of denying herself pleasure. Not able to live in the moment. And once again – I knew this was me.

I really dislike this part of my character, but also know that it was set in motion (and cement) many, many years ago. In my nappies I learned disappointment. That it was safer to go into a situation of expecting the worst, and not to hook my self on any hopeful star.

The trick now, at the ripe young age of 45 (almost 46) is to unlearn a (bad) habit. To grasp every single, precious, special moment you can get your hands on and get excited to breath and feel today. Live for THIS moment! Whichever moment you’re in.

Or .... I could just continue living as I do, vicariously through each of you.


linds said...

I love the music videos you have posted. They were very different and pretty, thanks for sharing. As for the glass half full or empty, it is good that you have realized that your first thought is the half empty, but that is something you CAN work on and change. I know you can! I like to think I am a glass half full kind of person, at least most of the time. :P

Carolyn said...

It's a shame that we live so far apart. Since your glass is half empty and mine is half full...wouldn't we be a full glass together?
I too always expect the worst. I know it stems from losing my parents at such a young age. However, I always try to see a positive in any situation. Sometimes it isn't possible, some situation simply don't have a positive. But I try.
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I've missed your updates.