Thursday, May 24, 2007

Life

I’m sorry to admit that I’ve been in a kind of a weird funk this week, hence the reason for not updating. We had a lovely quiet long weekend, but it ended on a sad note. I got a call from my best friend, and her mother passed away on Sunday. Mom T had been diagnosed with cancer (two kinds), and emphysema in the latter part of January of this year – four months later she’s gone.

I grieve for my girlfriend and her family. I knew this woman quite well, and will miss her terribly. I am just so tired of grieving the loss of my friend parents.

I sat down on Tuesday and wrote a list of all the people that are around me who have lost a parent, or Grandparent since my mom passed away in August. Can you guess the number I came up with? 20! That isn’t including the 7 other people from my church community who passed away that were friends or acquaintances.

I know it sounds morbid to sit down and create such a list, but I wanted to try to pinpoint some of the heaviness that I’ve been feeling. Once I’d actually began to analyze the list, a little light bulb flashed in my brain and gave great explanation into my heart and the sorrow felt.

Some of these passings are joyous reunion’s with our Lord, but some – like my mom – are not, and I wonder if I couldn’t have done more, said more, acted more. But I can’t go there right now.

So here I sit knowing that life is a cycle. Death is a guaranteed thing. But does it always have to hit so close to home and for so many? Can’t we just string them out a little further apart? Can I stop grieving for just one moment?

Who will be next?

2 comments:

pilotmom said...

No, LJ, don't go there. Keep focused on the Lord. There are always "what ifs" because we are humans with faults. But, trust that the Lord was still fully in control. That's what I have to do.

(((Hugs))) dear friend during this heavy time. The sun will come out again, I promise.

the bloke said...

Hey LJ, thanks for stopping by my (almost defunct) blog and posting a comment on my most recent post. I appreciate it.

I resonate with your post here about grief and the experience of grieving. My own Mom passed away almost 8 years ago, and I still long for her and miss her terribly. Perhaps I don't grief as I did the days, months and even years immediately following her passing, but I do so wish she can still be around physically to hang out with me every now and then!